Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey

"American Idol" is back -- again! The series that launched a thousand Sanjayas kicks off its 11th season at 7 p.m. Wednesday, and in order to keep us interested, they've brought in the battle of Mariah Carey vs. Nicki Minaj. Normally, we're not huge fans of buying into ridiculous fights that are staged for television, but we really can't contain our glee when one star (Mariah) hires extra security to fend off the other (Nicki). Ahead of the catfights that surely will ensue Wednesday, we faced off these two divas to see whose claws are sharpest.

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Nastiest thing said about the other

Nicki: "So every time you patronize me, I'm going to take it back, and if you've got a [bleeping] problem, handle it. I told them I'm not [bleeping] putting up with her [bleeping] highness over there." -- during "Idol" auditions in October

Mariah: "I didn't know she sang. I thought she rapped. Or whatever." -- on whether Nicki is singing about her in a new song

Winner: Mariah. Delivering the zingers while keeping it cool is a real talent.

Most ridiculous non-"Idol" moment

Nicki: Her still-ongoing feud with Lil Kim, who claims Nicki stole every one of the tricks in her book. Nicki essentially told Kim to get a life in a 2010 interview, signing off with "It's Barbie, bitch." Hmmm, that sounds an awful lot like a Britney Spears line ...

Mariah: She had a pretty good meltdown going back in the early '00s, but we'll always remember her 2002 episode of MTV's "Cribs" the most fondly.

Winner: Mariah. If anyone can get us a link to the full version of that "Cribs," we'll be eternally grateful.

Wardrobe

Nicki: Rainbow hair, pope cape, green pony boots, ice cream cone dress ... mash up two opposite things and she's probably worn them.

Mariah: Gowns, heels and as ! much glamour as she can manage.

Winner: Nicki. Sure, there's something to be said for classiness, but in this battle, drama reigns supreme.

Man lover

Nicki: Tiptoed around the subject on Tuesday's episode of "Ellen," and didn't come out with a solid answer. We DO know that she made out with someone at midnight on New Year's ...

Mariah: Married Nick Cannon in 2008. They had two babies in 2011.

Winner: Mariah. While this relationship VERY OFTEN makes us roll our eyes, if it works for them, it's OK with us.

Bitchiest lyric

Nicki: The entirety of the song "Stupid Hoe." Sample: "Bitch talkin she the queen, when she looking like a lab rat."

Mariah: Her music isn't really that mean, so we'll just point to the "Heartbreaker" video when she kicks her alter-ego's ass in a bathroom.

Winner: Nicki. She has the power to genuinely scare us -- just look at the video for Kanye West's "Monster."

BIG WINNER: Mariah. Wait until you're named an actual VH-1 diva before you start claiming any titles, Nicki.

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